Winter

After having taken a sufficient 10 minute break from what was a horrific driving experience, I finally pull out of the SLC parking garage and begin my 2 1/2 hour trek to Provo. Keep in mind: I can be a very nervous/neurotic driver, and it doesn’t take much to stress me out. Ask anyone.

The following were my thoughts as they relate to their corresponding numbers/locations on the maps below:

1) “I’d rather be poking spoons in my eyes than drive home.”

2) “Okay, this isn’t so bad. I can handle this.”

3) “Uh, oh. The windshield is getting grimey… some wiper fluid should do the trick. … NO wiper fluid!? Son of a…”

4) “That’s okay… I’ll just exit here at Redwood, and find a gas station… there’s bound to be one right off the freeway.”

5) “Where in the name of Bob Newhart is a gas station!!”

6) “Oh, there it is. Now how to get back onto the freeway. (I look at my phone) I’ll just take this road back to I-15! Cake! Okay… this isn’t too bad. I can handle this.”

7) (As I’m turning right onto the I-15 on-ramp) “Efff! Another slide! I hate this car.”

(I’m aware there are two 8′s and two 14′s… I was just too lazy to fix & re-number. Deal with it.)

8-1) “Okay, this isn’t so bad. I can handle this.”

8-2) “MORE windshield grime!? Double-you tee eff!! I guess I need to exit soon and clean this crap off.”

9) “And what better place to exit off on to, than a Denny’s! I’m hungry.

10) “Crap, Denny’s is on the other side of the road, and in order to get to it, I’m going to have to U-turn and get behind this crazy long line of traffic getting back ON to the freeway. I’ll just keep heading East on this road… ugh.”

11) “Redwood again. (sarcasm) Nice.”

12) “Okay, this isn’t so bad. I can handle this.”

13) “Clean windshield. Now to get back to I-15.”

14-1) “Okay, this isn’t so bad. I can handle this.”

14-2) “More grime… as expected. I guess I should pull over.”

15) “STOP SLIDING AROUND! I HATE YOU! WHERE’S THAT SPOON!?” (Why the thought of buying wiper fluid hadn’t crossed me, is a complete mystery.)

16) “Okay, so I’m on Lehi-Main… If I go through the underpass and jump onto State St, I’m home-free without having to hop back onto the freeway and not get anymore grime on my windshield.”

17) “Holy crap! I’m NOT on Lehi-Main… Ugh, I better turn around and get back onto the freeway.”

18) “I’ll turn left here, then turn around, and head back to the freeway… (I look to the left and see that these roads are very much iced-over AND at an incline.) I’m screwed.”

19) (After being stuck for 3 minutes sliding on the inclined, snowy road, while other cars pass me on both sides…) “Why me!? Why me!? Why me!?”

20) “I need to check to see if the tire I had inflated earlier is doing okay. I’ll park here at this school…. Still holding strong.”

21) “I want to be home, in bed, right now.”

22) “Okay, this isn’t so bad. I can handle this.”

I stick to the freeway the rest of the ride home, and all seems well. Ten minutes away from the house I notice it is now 9:15 AM, and Natalia’s flight should have landed 30 minutes ago, so I call her.

I pull onto the street “La Maison” is on, only to realize, I need to turn around so I can park on the other side of the street. Flashbacking to last year’s Christmas Day, when I got stuck turning around in the street in the snow, I decide I will go through the street, and try and turn around in the parking lot of a local school.

I spend 10 minutes in this parking lot after getting stuck twice, and nearly striking at least 2 cars. I safely make it out, and head onto the street at the opposite end so I can park on the correct side of the street. It had been 4 1/2 hours, but I made it back home, unscathed.

THE END.