His Personal
A personal victory
February 26, 2012
So, last week, I was caught off guard when I was asked if I would speak at Church the following Sunday (today). All week I’d been worrying and stressing about writing it, making sure it was long enough, practicing it, delivering it, making sure it wouldn’t put people to sleep… etc, etc, y’know, all the normal stuff people worry about when giving talks or speaking publicly.
As Sunday approached, the draft for my talk kept getting sharper and sharper, as I’d add things, tweak things, and edit things out. Natalia eventually read the talk and said it was excellent (of course she has to say that though… right?!).
Today, when I entered the chapel, I was at complete ease. At that point, I was just ready to face it head on and get it over with. When it was my turn at the pulpit, It was almost second nature… (I thank teaching on a regular basis for that).
When all was said and done, by the time I got home from church, 25+ different people had pulled me aside and told me a mixture the following:
- Thank you for sharing your experiences
- That was a great talk… no, really, like a GREAT talk
- Good talk
- You’re an amazing public speaker, I wish I could speak like that
- You were articulate, clear, well-spoken. That talk was well written and overall put together well
- Thank you for your talk
About half of those 25+ people, had never really spoken to me before, so for them to stop me and say something really meant a lot. One of the 25+ was a 10 year-old kid I’d never even seen before. There’s nothing like having your really hard work pay off, and people really appreciate it.
So, for me, this talk was definitely a personal victory.
Dream within a dream
May 18, 2011
After watching Inception last summer, I wasn’t sure what to make of the whole dream-within-a-dream (DWAD) concept. For some reason, I just couldn’t put my head around it. That is.. until last night.
I can now say that I have undoubtedly experienced the DWAD phenomenon. It was surreal. I didn’t know what was real, and what was a dream anymore.
In my level 1 dream I clearly remember falling asleep, having the entire dream, then waking up where I had slept. The level 2 dream was so crazy, that I was dying to tell it to my sister. I swore to myself that the level 1 dream was reality.. but it obviously was not.
I had a total of 3 dreams last night, and they were quite different.
- One took place in Honduras in my Uncle and Aunt’s house
- Another in the apartment I lived in at Branbury
- The 3rd took place in the church building of my ward growing up in Texas
But, in each of them there was always a clear antagonist who was trying to someway humiliate me, punish me, torture me. These antagonists were supposed to be friends or allies, and after discovering their objectives, I became extremely defensive and paranoid.
What could these similarities mean?
Flawed & Fab Friday: Your Own Worst Enemy
April 22, 2011
It’s Fuh-fuh-FRIDAY!!! And GOOD Friday at that. So that means it’s time for…
Truth be told, I’ve been kind of a funk lately. I’ve been letting self-esteem (or the lack of it) affect me tremendously, where my talents and abilities are concerned– and it’s really been stifling me creatively and professionally.
This week, I thought I’d finally try and get my head around it… so I went to the local library and picked up this book:
As I was reading, I came across a section that describes me to a TEE.
So, this is my confession:
Self-doubters/self-attackers block their success by holding high standards they feel they can never possibly meet and for which they therefore seldom strive. But rather than rationalizing or blaming others for their lack of effort, they selectively attend to and mercilessly emphasize their own faults and failings to such an extent that they do not appreciate what they DO accomplish. They are actually highly ambitious, but because they cannot tolerate anything but an idealized kind of perfection, they do not allow themselves to enjoy partial success, thus reducing their incentives to try.
If they make an effort and achieve distinction, they often feel that their accomplishment was a fluke or something insignificant. They feel that they do not deserve approbation, because their success came too easily or quickly, or because they achieved it without mentor or validation by a luminary in the field. They therefore fear that because they have not paid their dues, they have cheated and will at some point be unmasked as frauds.
I do have an extremely flawed self-perception, which unfortunately causes me to under-achieve … but according to what others tell me (not that I believe them), I also have some pretty fabulous talents… (supposedly)
Play along, if you’d like to!
And since it’s GOOD FRIDAY, we’ll leave on a funny note. Here’s a convo I wanted to relay:
Luis: You have me all self-conscious now about doing Flawed & Fabulous Friday!
Natalia: Why?!
Luis: Because you said “Fabulous” was a girl’s word.
Natalia: It’s also a word that gay men use…
Luis: That’s not helping. Anyway…
Natalia: Just keep doing it.
Luis: Well why don’t you do it this week?
Natalia: Because it’s your thing, besides, I’m not flawed. You can do it FOR me if you want.
Luis: And get in trouble!??! No thank you!
My Happiest Moment
April 16, 2011
While living at the Branbury, our friend Larkin introduced us to a little thing called “the Happiest Moment game” which consisted of sharing your happiest moment of the day while around the dinner table. In honor of this traditional game, I’m starting a blog feature around this idea.
So, I’ll start off by sharing my happiest moment of the week:
Yesterday we arrived in Provo around 11:30 pm and were in time to catch the tail end Brent’s birthday celebration.
I had turned on Google Latitude on my phone, which allowed them to track my exact location as we were getting closer. So when I pulled into Brent’s parking lot I wasn’t too surprised when I saw Brent descending the stairs to his apartment.
With a warm greeting and a hug, he welcomed me… Then Spencer shuffled out of the apartment… Followed by Kelvin & Jilleun… Then Brent’s sister Rachel and his husband Joe. All greeted with hugs!! Inside Todd and Brandon waited to welcome me back. Everyone was saying how they’d been tracking my progress for the past half hour.
It felt really good to feel so warmly welcomed and appreciated. I haven’t felt the awesomeness of these friends for months and it was great to feel it again!
This has been a Happiest Moment.
Flawed & Fabulous Friday
April 8, 2011
Blog-friend Ashley, in her blog post today, launched a weekly segment she called Flawed & Fabulous. She wrote:
Reading about people’s real life confessions (funny or not) is so refreshing!
I love open and honest stories, just as much as pretty happy pictures.
Happiness is great, don’t get me wrong. I am married to the literal Mr Brightside and I call myself an eternal optimist, but I think its invigorating to let it go sometimes.
So, I encourage you to use Fridays to let down your guard and share with the blogging community.
Make us laugh, make us cry, get some pitty if you want, show your real self, in all your fabulousness!
If lots of bloggers do this, we will all feel better about life.
No one is perfect, flawed IS fabulous
I must say, I agree that reading and sharing about the not-so-polished portions of our lives are quite refreshing. That being said… here we go!
Today, on our family blog, I posted about the experience Natalia had yesterday in facing the possibility that something could be wrong with her pregnancy. I shared:
Luis: The thing is, I’m a worrier… of the WORST kind. After leaving the office, I tried to promise myself that I wouldn’t look up what could cause low amniotic fluid… but I did anyway.
The next day (yesterday) my anxieties began to kick up a notch. I was scared that something could seriously be wrong. My mind began to spit out visualizations of all sorts of scenarios, and it frightened me.
I’m a baby when it comes to things like this. As we rode up the elevator to the specialist’s office, I wrapped both my arms around one of Natalia’s and gave it a good hug while resting my head on her shoulder. The stronger the squeeze, the more at ease I felt.
Usually, the husband/father is the “strong” one… not me, though. There you have it: flawed & fabulous.
(Also, everything checked out great with the baby and pregnancy, so there’s nothing to worry about.)
For other similar confessions, head over here.
The Value of… Guy Friends
March 30, 2011
Yesterday, I read this very enlightening blog post about the importance of women needing other women in their lives: as friends, as support, as inspiration– all of which I am in complete agreement. As I was reading the post though, I was thinking about how women don’t corner the market on needing each other.
Here’s part of my (lengthy) response:
Luis: On that same vein, I also believe that men need other men. Maybe not for the same exact reasons women need women, but for me, there’s something awesome about bonding and connecting with “the guys”. Being in Las Vegas, and not having a circle of guy friends like I had in Provo has been pretty difficult.
It’s true, and it’s not something I like to bring out in the open very much. But the lack of real friends here has been quite rough on me.
- I miss being constantly pestered by Spencer
- I miss hanging out with Brent and Kelvin in the UVU cafeteria
- I miss playing Smash with Cody, Billy, and Daniel
- I miss the various eating-outings (specifically at Chili’s)
- I miss the EFY trips with my high school buddies
Don’t get me at all wrong… I love Natalia, and I absolutely love the little life we’ve built. Being apart from friends has given us an opportunity to grow together, and lean on each other in a way that we would have never had if we’d stayed in Provo. She’s my rock– my everything.
But, I’ve always thrived on the friendships around me. It’s a necessity for me. It’s part of the reason I created Toaster Strudel Tuesday back in my singles ward. It’s why I’ve loved pouring hours of my personal time into producing THE PLACE. It’s part of who and what I am.
And yes, there are a handful of people in here in Vegas that we are somewhat close to, which I SO appreciate, but not having that Buddy friendship hasn’t been easy for me. I often feel like I don’t fit in with other guys at church. I don’t have a great job that supports my family.. I don’t like sports.. I didn’t serve a mission.. I don’t play basketball.. I will be staying at home taking care of our child.. It’s hard to feel like I have a place.
Which brings me to the 2nd half of my reply:
Luis: Sometimes, it seems, this need for guy-bonding is overlooked when it comes to Mormon culture. Women are encouraged to befriend and support one another (Visiting teaching). In my ward, there’s a RS activity about every month where the women get together, no kids, no husbands, no men– and connect.
In the year I’ve lived here, there’s only been 1 EQ activity, and wives and kids were included. The only thing there is for men to do together is basketball on a Wednesday night– but if you don’t play or aren’t a fan of sports, where does that leave you!?
Outside of that, it doesn’t seem men are ever encouraged to interact with each other.
Is that not the truth? Aren’t male-to-male relationships within Mormon culture treated differently than female-to-female?
Am I envious of the organized interaction women get to have with one another both inside (Visiting teaching, Relief Society) and outside (Mommy play groups, “lunch with the girls”) of the church? … I’m kind of embarrassed to admit it, but yes.
The bottom line: friendship is vital to our human existence. For some, the need for friendship can be tiny, and for others, it can be quite a lofty necessity… but we all need Friends.. male, or female, single, or married, parents or childless.
The modern “family”
March 1, 2011
NOTE: I’m NOT talking about the hit Emmy-winning ABC comedy series.
I recently came across a blog about a Mormon man who finally married when he was 39. The interesting thing was, he already had 2 boys which he had adopted when he was single.
This immediately caught me off guard. Adopting kids while your SINGLE… is that kosher!??
After the initial surprise, the first thought that then came to me was That. Is. Awesome.
Seriously, I think it is in awesome thing to do (given, that you are financially able to afford having and raising kids). Sure… he wasn’t giving the children the “IDEAL” cookie-cutter image of a “family” (with an uber-sweet stay-at-home mommy who cooks, cleans, AND does windows, and a devoted hard-working daddy who brings home bacon, ham, and some pork– That all comes from the same animal!? …*sarcastic chuckle* Yeah, right… a WONDERFUL, MAGICAL animal ) … but, unfortunately, this pattern just won’t be achievable for many throughout their lives. So, what are they to do?
Now, don’t get me wrong. This template for the “perfect” family as outlined in The Family: A Proclamation to the World is a wonderful and divine thing to strive for. But life, unfortunately, doesn’t unfold the same for everyone.
I commend this man for being so devoted to the idea of family and children, that he decides to make a family for himself and gives a home to children who otherwise could have likely been stuck in the vicious “system” (I believe these kids weren’t babies, that they were older, as they were teenagers when he finally married).
Without getting political, and speaking simply from the heart, I think everyone is entitled to be a parent and to have a Family… not just married people, and not just straight people. After all, isn’t THAT what’s at the core of our existence on Earth: Family!?
Some may think this is a horrible injustice, others may think nothing of it… my question to you is, what do YOU think?
Recent Comments