Mormon Culture

Yesterday, I read this very enlightening blog post about the importance of women needing other women in their lives: as friends, as support, as inspiration– all of which I am in complete agreement. As I was reading the post though, I was thinking about how women don’t corner the market on needing each other.

Here’s part of my (lengthy) response:

Luis: On that same vein, I also believe that men need other men. Maybe not for the same exact reasons women need women, but for me, there’s something awesome about bonding and connecting with “the guys”. Being in Las Vegas, and not having a circle of guy friends like I had in Provo has been pretty difficult.

It’s true, and it’s not something I like to bring out in the open very much. But the lack of real friends here has been quite rough on me.

• I miss being constantly pestered by Spencer
• I miss hanging out with Brent and Kelvin in the UVU cafeteria
• I miss playing Smash with Cody, Billy, and Daniel
• I miss the various eating-outings (specifically at Chili’s)
• I miss the EFY trips with my high school buddies

Don’t get me at all wrong… I love Natalia, and I absolutely love the little life we’ve built. Being apart from friends has given us an opportunity to grow together, and lean on each other in a way that we would have never had if we’d stayed in Provo. She’s my rock– my everything.

But, I’ve always thrived on the friendships around me. It’s a necessity for me. It’s part of the reason I created Toaster Strudel Tuesday back in my singles ward. It’s why I’ve loved pouring hours of my personal time into producing THE PLACE. It’s part of who and what I am.

And yes, there are a handful of people in here in Vegas that we are somewhat close to, which I SO appreciate, but not having that Buddy friendship hasn’t been easy for me. I often feel like I don’t fit in with other guys at church. I don’t have a great job that supports my family.. I don’t like sports.. I didn’t serve a mission.. I don’t play basketball.. I will be staying at home taking care of our child.. It’s hard to feel like I have a place.

Which brings me to the 2nd half of my reply:

Luis: Sometimes, it seems, this need for guy-bonding is overlooked when it comes to Mormon culture. Women are encouraged to befriend and support one another (Visiting teaching). In my ward, there’s a RS activity about every month where the women get together, no kids, no husbands, no men– and connect.

In the year I’ve lived here, there’s only been 1 EQ activity, and wives and kids were included. The only thing there is for men to do together is basketball on a Wednesday night– but if you don’t play or aren’t a fan of sports, where does that leave you!?

Outside of that, it doesn’t seem men are ever encouraged to interact with each other.

Is that not the truth? Aren’t male-to-male relationships within Mormon culture treated differently than female-to-female?

Am I envious of the organized interaction women get to have with one another both inside (Visiting teaching, Relief Society) and outside (Mommy play groups, “lunch with the girls”) of the church? … I’m kind of embarrassed to admit it, but yes.

The bottom line: friendship is vital to our human existence. For some, the need for friendship can be tiny, and for others, it can be quite a lofty necessity… but we all need Friends.. male, or female, single, or married, parents or childless.